What Are Some Signs That You Are Getting Old?
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In a world that seems to spin faster every day, there comes a time when you realise you might be spinning a bit slower. Ah, yes, the subtle and not-so-subtle signs of aging that grace us with their presence. It's like life's way of saying, "Welcome to the vintage club!" So, grab your reading glasses and join me in exploring the undeniable, occasionally endearing, and often amusing signs that you might be getting on in years.
When you have to scroll an insultingly large amount of time to find your birth year on an online form. Happens whenever I’m on Steam. They ask for a birthday to make sure you’re over a certain age for the violent content. I don’t even scroll to my decade anymore. But it also happened while applying for a credit card too. “What idiot started this at 2023 anyways? Are newborns applying for your credit card?” I think if you're old you should get a prize for scrolling past a certain point... Just a coupon maybe or a little fun video pop up of an animated squirrel laughing at how old you are for scrolling that far back. 198...HAHA whoa buddy..did you hurt yourself scrolling that far? Here’s a 10% discount for your next purchase.
When you realize there is a whole year in your past that has no particular memories. That’s something about becoming an adult that no one really prepares you for as a kid. The mundaneness of it all. Obviously we spend most of that time working but I think it all really contributes to why so many adults become depressed. Everything fun costs money, there’s no social gathering place you’re just naturally attending with peers unless you’re spending money, and the years just start bleeding by together. Once you get settled in a routine that spans multiple years of living in the same place, working the same job, there aren't markers that help you remember the years anymore like there were in school. Suddenly you're unable to remember anything that you are certain happened in 2015, because that year was the exact same as the two years on either side of it. And that’s why I try to avoid all that by going away on a holiday (or two) every year, somewhere abroad. It’s why I like Germany for example: it is common to bring your own food to the Biergartens. You could just go sit in the park and hang out with a bunch of friendly social people without having to buy a meal and a drink. We used to have way more spaces, a place that is like a town centre or a park, a place where people gathered, socialised and chilled without the necessity of spending money to be there or utilise the space. These spaces harboured community tightness, but there's not many of those left.
40 is a weird age. Everyone older says you’re so young. Everyone younger thinks you’re soooo old. "Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.", I think it was Hugo that said it. As far as I’m concerned, it’s the best age. I'm young enough to still kick ass but old enough to know I should walk away. It’s like being young but without any fucks to give. I have so few fucks at 42 that I sometimes scare myself.
I've worked with people younger than one of my email addresses. Recently I had to clean up my Gmail because I was nearing it's max capacity with 60,000 emails from the past ~20 years.
Short memory decline.
Everything hurts, and if something doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t work. And it hurts for no reason. You didn't bang it, or bump it, didn't sprain it or strain it, you didn't over-do it yesterday.... it just hurts. And it will stop hurting for no reason and something else will hurt tomorrow.
Your knees make rice crispy noises going up the stairs. (see above)
Not only that, but also short memory decline.
Bring up a 90's band like it was a few years back and realise the person you're talking to wasn't even alive when that album came out. '90s bands are as old now as The Beatles were in the '90s. Think about that the next time you listen to Green Day, All the Small Things by Blink-182, The Kids Aren't Alright by The Offspring, or Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana.
Nose and ear hair seems to grow at 10x the rate. Really, wtf is up with the ear hair? And those eyebrows? Pffff… Like grey pieces of stiff wire poking out of your head above your eyes. I used to pluck them. Then I'd miss one, then it was two and so on. Now I have a pair of nice quality manicure scissors. Keeps them semi in check, as much as I can/care anyway. They are still unruly, but at least maintained.
Afternoon naps. I was well-conserved when I was 4, because I was the only kid in kindergarten who hated the afternoon nap. Eventually I think I got old at 19 and I’ve been in love with them afternoon naps ever since.
You want to stay home a lot more. You’re ok with less friends.
Your doctors are now younger than you. They still can’t spell though.
Hangovers are a nightmare. Used to be good to go after a greasy breakfast and a nap. Now it takes DAYS to feel better and anxiety is out of control. Hangovers just aren't worth it any more.
"Back in my day..." I've used that a few times.
Being happy about having nothing to do. Sometimes at work someone says "Man, who WANTS to do nothing?! That's so boring." if it's a quiet period. …Me. I love doing nothing. I'll take whatever moments of nothingness I can get in this rat race of a universe.
As we navigate in a world determined to keep moving at breakneck speed, we, the experienced members of the 'vintage club,' have mastered the art of savouring life's finest moments. We might not be scrolling back in time to find our birth year on some website, but we're scrolling through the years with laughter lines etched in our memories. And as we embrace the quirks that come with aging, let's not forget that life is like fine wine – it only gets better with age. So, here's to more unforgettable moments, more afternoon naps, and to the liberating joy of doing nothing. Cheers to being comfortably and unapologetically old!